


Give me the sunrise

by morjens



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Kinda, M/M, Memories, jaebum thinking good old days, old people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-15 03:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morjens/pseuds/morjens
Summary: Fifteen years ago, on their wedding anniversary Jinyoung had asked:“Will you give me the sunrise when I’m too blind to see? Will you give me the music when I’m too deaf to hear?”





	Give me the sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> Written in a whim at the middle of the night. I have feelings about Old!Got7 and gah, I dont know, but this kinda wrote itself. Not betad and english is not my native language so bear any commas in weird places, etc.

And here he is, once again. Jaebum breaths cool spring air in and lets his thoughts wander. Sunrise is starting to paint horizon, it’s cold and these mittens aren’t quite enough. 

Once again, he sets his camera on the timer and checks it’s loaded. Just like he has done in these three months, he adjusts the same settings, same place, same angle. When camera knows what to do, he walks in a little circle to warm up.

It’s beautiful up here. He had to climb on a little trail, follow the forest line to reach the top of this hill. It shows landscape over the town, gives the first look of waking houses, mailmen bringing morning news. It’s chill out here, birds chirping, trees slowly waving their leaves for him. 

Camera clicks softly. Jaebum checks the time, it’s the same as it has been for all these months. He has seen the change from warm summer mornings to these chilly autumn mornings. Has been here for almost daily, when it has been sunny, foggy, rain, everything. One time he had to skip because he wasn’t suicidal enough to climb here in fever. But otherwise, every day. 

He hums slowly with melody in his head and trails the line of cars with his stare. Those looks so small from here, everything looks so small and pointless in this perspective. Like he suddenly is in another world, looking at everything as an outsider. And maybe he is. 

Jaebum fishes his half-eaten chocolate bar from the pocket. Bar hanging out from his mouth he checks camera has taken what he needs and takes few more photos, just in case. Not that is matters, though, because he still must delete all the meaningless ones. The ones that are beautiful but just don’t matter to him, don’t have their place in this world. And is he even thinking about photos anymore? 

Bar crumbles and he reaches to grab it just seconds before it drops to the ground. Chocolate tastes little bitter, maybe the best before date has already passed by. Just like his. 

Forty years. 

It has been a long time. Forty years since his army times, forty years since he has waved a goodbye for his fans at the gate of his camp. 

Thirty years since they have decided to disband GOT7. 

“I think we are just too old. No one is interested about us, not anymore”, Mark has said and like most times, he was the voice of reason. It’s cruel world and no one really is interested about group of forty years old. There was always younger, better, more handsome and athletic ones and they were a beautiful memory to their precious fans. 

He had followed his own path, made a new music for new singers, appealed more mature audience. Everyone had got what they wanted, in the end. 

He had got a career, four cats, great opportunities, his name in the music business. He had Jinyoung.

“It’s not like we can go separate ways now, after all these years, hyung”, Jinyuong hadn’t lost the sparkle in his eyes and Jaebum wasn’t one to deny anything from this man. It really didn’t even need to be discussed, they moved in together and lived their life together, just like the years before. 

It had been many years ago. 

Now the sparkle has faded. Jinyoung is trapped in old memories from their golden years, years of fame and rich. Of screaming fans, of travelling across the world to see more people. He can’t remember his own address, he doesn’t remember their sons name, has forgot they have two cats now. Mew and Mau, as precious they once were, don’t ring any bell for him anymore. 

And, oh god, Jaebum wants to be brave. He wants to battle for them, he wants to be there for the last days but it’s so hard. It’s like he already knows the battle is lost. Everyday he visits Jinyoung and every time he has the same fear. When will Jinyoung forget him too? 

Jackson visits, if he can. He doesn’t walk that much anymore, Mark is trapped in America. Yugyeom has ten grandchildren, he has no time, Youngjae calls sometimes but its pointless because Jinyoung can’t remember him either. Bambam is only one Jinyoung remembers but it doesn’t matter because he died twenty years ago. 

 

Jaebum turns off his camera and packs it carefully. He eats the last bites of his chocolate and pushes the wrapper to his pocket. Maybe it will melt there and stain his jacket but he doesn’t care, not anymore. He slowly breaths in the last moments before town really awakens, joyful screams of children splits the air and the calmness is gone. 

He climbs down the familiar hill, he knows every rock and every step. 

Fifteen years ago, on their wedding anniversary Jinyoung had asked:  
“Will you give me the sunrise when I’m too blind to see? Will you give me the music when I’m too deaf to hear?”

Sometimes Jaebum thinks about those old days. How they would go movies together, sit in the last show of the night because that was something Jinyoung had used to do when they still were a group. They would share their popcorn but, in the end, Jaebum would eat two third of it and Jinyoung had to wrestle his hand out of the bucket to get some. They would stroll slowly past the closed shops after the movie, hand in hand so another one wouldn’t get lost and talk about what they had been doing. Jinyoung had retired from being head of a nursery and Jaebum still made some music. Jinyoung had many clubs; literature, gardening, movie clubs. They were talking about going to a golf course, Yugyeom had said it was nice.

Those days are now long gone. Slowly but surely, from the random little memory losses, faces forgotten or keys gotten in the wrong side of the door, it grew into something much bigger before Jaebum even knew what was going on. 

Suddenly he had to face the truth that his wise, incredibly witty man was not like he was before. And maybe he should have seen it coming since Alzheimer had been found from Jinyoung’s relatives. Maybe Jaebum just didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to believe that from this day on, he had to be the one to guide them home. 

It had started small but Jaebum had lived in denial. It was unfair. His beautiful Jinyoung, his own husband, who was so brilliant, who always knew what to do, who every time was the voice of reason, wasn’t any of that anymore. 

It was like watching an accident in slow motion. There was nothing he could do, no super pills to get him healthy anymore. It was devastating. Their son has tried to help as much he could, but he has his own family, his own problems and when Jinyoung doesn’t even remember him anymore maybe he has thought that what’s the point anymore. Jaebum can’t quite blame him. 

Jinyoung gets irritated quickly if he must face situations where someone believes he should remember. In some way he knows his own situation and maybe it frustrates him even more. He also gets sad because he knows he should be doing something he just doesn’t know what it is. It annoys him that he is trapped inside of their house but Jaebum can’t give him a chance to go outside anymore. Everything will overwhelm him, it is too much. Once their neighbour popped in to visit and Jinyoung couldn’t remember his name even though they had been living there for ten years. He will tell stories about early years. Times when they were standing on the stage next to each other’s, people screaming their names, climbing up, up, up on the ladders of fame. And how it all had gone away slowly, when they all had to go to army. Jackson and Bambam were in Thailand and China, getting their names known, Mark finally reunited with his family. After two long years it wasn’t like before. There were new faces on the market, there was new trends, new hit makers. They were old.

Jinyoung loved telling how proud he was about Jaebum writing their music. Jaebum has been quite proud of himself too but undeniably, all the glory has lost its sparkle in these years. 

Sometimes Jaebum will cry at night when he knows Jinyoung is sleeping. He is so tired. He is tired of being the brave one, he is tired of fearing what will happen tomorrow, he is tired of how he lost people beside him all the time, slowly but surely. First Bambam died and he thinks no one actually got over it. Then his parents died, Jinyoung’s parents died and his sisters drifted away, his friends got old and now everyone is just trying to survive. 

 

Sun is up when Jaebum reaches their house. It’s small but it has everything they need. Own room for both, bathroom and a wide living room. There are books everywhere, there are cats splayed in a sunny place of living rooms table and Jaebum should shoo them away, but he has no heart to do such thing. 

Jaebum places his camera bag on the floor and takes off his shoes. He groans when he has to bend over to put them in a shoe rack, his back hasn’t ever been good and now it has started to hurt even more. More painkillers should fix the problem for little longer. He turns on the coffee machine he has loaded last evening and gets two cups, blue as sky on summer day. 

Machine rumbles and coffee is soon ready, technology has gotten so much better in these years. Jaebum remembers having to battle about air conditioners with Jackson in their dorm times, now those are much easier to use and available in every shape and price. 

As he pours coffee into the mugs he watches mailman cross their pathway and drop news. In these days almost everything is digital, almost everything is readable on the internet but as Jinyoung is prisoner of his old habits Jaebum has paid little extra to get it printed. 

He hums low, watches a clock tick and throws away a dry bread from yesterday. Maybe he forgot it there, he chuckles. Finally everything is set and he grabs the mugs. Two mugs in the same hand he slowly walks to white door and opens it. Door creaks little when he steps in. Curtains are up, warm rays of sun colours the beige floor. Jinyoung’s lips are curl in a smile as he sleeps. Jaebum puts mugs on the bed side table and goes to get his camera. Past three months Jinyoung has spent in this room, only going to bathroom. He has a nurse checking and helping him three times a day. Past three months Jaebum has woke up early, captured the sunrise from the hill he proposed Jinyoung and showed him the town he still somehow remembers. It’s one of those rare memories he still has. 

Camera lets little tingly voice when it opens and Jaebum flickers through all the pictures to choose the best one. Then he sets the camera on the bed, grabs one coffee mug and turns to face Jinyoung who is still smiling. 

Coffee spills on the sheets and floor as Jaebum lets slow wail. Jinyoung’s lips are already little blueish, he smiles but eyes are closed. He doesn’t breathe anymore. 

Ambulance comes, and they say end was peaceful. Final time was somewhere around five, just after Jaebum has left. Somehow Jaebum wants to think how Jinyoung came with him, for the last time. How he finally can do whatever he wants, how he finally saw the sunrise again, beautiful and warm. 

Coffee stain remains on the floor, Jaebum won’t clean it. And two years later, Jaebum either can’t remember it.


End file.
